Hi, I’m Nathan,

And I am you.

I’m Nathan. A man trapped in his own Groundhog Day loop of drudgery and responsibility. My life has mostly been the same. I start my day the same way. I shower, I get dressed, I make tea, I grab a prepared lunch to take to work that I’d made the night before and I leave for work. I try to do everything possible to stave off uncertainty. It’s all just ready to go.

I go to work. I have two breaks and a lunch. Most of the time I try to leave early. I complete my daily tasks, check my alerts, respond to requests, make daily progress on critical work projects, and my life just sort of tick away a second at a time. The day is nearly the same as the last.

I watch my so-called progress as bills are paid via auto payment and watch my accounts increase and decrease slightly week after week, month after month, year after year. And, as the seasons kind of just come and go, the mirror reminds me I am slowly but surely getting older.

So, how did I get here, why did I fall into this? I was drawn to, or perhaps fell into this lifestyle, watching others swallowed up by quiet desperation yet here I am now too. It’s a low-risk, but low-reward, empty but easy style of life. Unchanging drudgery while unsatisfying, keeps me alive. But is it really living, am I accomplishing anything? Do you ever feel trapped? Are you stuck in life despite your best efforts to obtain some kind of freedom?

Are you there yet? If so, how did you get there? I personally used to have a plan and I thought by 45 or so I would be, at least somewhat satisfied, but, as I approach 50 I realize, that won’t happen.

 I am adrift in life.